The Dark of the Sun
by 0ctober Rain
Summary: Hakkai's world is dark without his "sun," Kanan. (Rated M for later chapters)
1. Chapter 1

**Notes: **_Characters belong to Kazuya Minekura. This story follows along with the Hakkai/Chin Yisou arc in the manga, weaving together bits that happen in the manga with my own twisted imagination—stuff that happens "off camera," as it were. _

**The Dark of the Sun**

**Chapter 1**

Hakkai did not know how long the group traveled in silence. Day after day of empty land, flat and treeless, had worn away at them until it seemed the sky's weight overburdened them all. The sky seemed so large without mountains or buildings or trees to break it into pieces more easily managed by the eye.

The fact that even Gojyo and Goku had fallen silent during the past several hours attested to just how road-weary the _ikkou_ had become; it'd be hours yet before nightfall, when Sanzo would allow them to camp. Hakkai was about to suggest to Sanzo that they stop for a rest at the first farmhouse they came to—no matter how many hours of daylight remained—when they crested a small rise and were afforded a view of a sizable town. The others noticed it, too. Hakkai felt an instant shift of their _qi_, as if life returned to them when the monotony ended. Even Sanzo shifted in his seat beside him.

"About damn time," Gojyo muttered. "If I had to spend one more hour cramped in the Jeep, I was gonna go nuts. No offense, Hakuryu."

Hakuryu chirruped wearily.

It was amazing how civilization could suddenly spring forth from apparent waste like toadstools after a spring rain. As they neared the town, Hakkai could smell breads and rice and meats, people and animals. Voices in conversation and laughter filled the air. With a lifting heart he brought Jeepu to a stop, and when the foursome exited, Hakuryu transformed with a happy chirrup before settling onto Hakkai's shoulder.

"Yes," Hakkai said, stroking the little dragon's neck, "it is time for _you _to be carried for a time."

Hakuryu chirped again and nuzzled beneath Hakkai's chin before letting his long neck hang down loosely. The little dragon would doze for most of the rest of the day if circumstances allowed. Already his body began to go limp on his perch on Hakkai's shoulder.

The travel-weary silence fell away like melting snow falling from a pine, and as the group stretched their legs and worked some of the stiffness from their bodies, some of the spark returned to their eyes. Soon they were passing between buildings, turning corners, and coming upon the vital core of the town.

"Wow, cool!" Goku exclaimed. "Look at all the people!" His childlike face drank in the surroundings, huge golden eyes darting from one scene to the next like dragonflies flitting over lily pads. Gojyo, too, had a broad grin framing his current cigarette. Hakkai reflected not for the first time how differently individuals reacted to the same situation: Goku's compact body all but vibrated with anticipation, while Gojyo's lithe form spoke of an odd combination of eagerness and contentment; even Sanzo's frown seemed slightly less bitter than usual.

"It's been awhile since we've been to such a busy town," Gojyo observed as they made their way as a group through the crowds.

Seeing smiles on so many faces at once gladdened Hakkai. Too often their travels involved villagers broken by anguish and despair, wan with pain and loss. "This place seems mostly unaffected by the youkai problem," Hakkai said, then added silently in prayer, _May it ever be so..._

Sanzo grunted in apparent agreement but didn't seem to want to be bothered with actual vocabulary.

_It is only a matter of time before these smiles are erased_, Hakkai thought. He glanced about, feeling a sudden need to protect the people, to shelter them from the world's sorrows, but he knew it was hopeless. He could but do what he was capable, and that required passing through this town in time, continuing west, and leaving these lives to whatever fate the stars allotted them. If he couldn't even protect Kanan, how could he shelter whole villages and towns and cities? _Don't go down that path_, he chided himself. Despair was ever a dark passenger within him, and lately it was all he could do to keep a step ahead of it.

"NO."

Sanzo's stern voice startled Hakkai from his thoughts, and he was glad for it; though Sanzo didn't realize it, he had pulled Hakkai back from a dangerous ledge. Apparently Goku had asked for something-food, certainly-and had received the typical brusque answer. The food _did _smell delicious, but there would be plenty of time for dinner once they found lodgings for the night.

Goku didn't see that, of course. He saw only that he was being denied something he wanted. The compact little demon began to wail his outrage. Hakkai winced. The boy certainly wasn't starving; Hakkai had formulated the theory long ago that the slightest feeling of emptiness resurrected memories in Goku of his long imprisonment. Food had taken the role of reassurance, comfort, and security. Hakkai felt his shoulders beginning to tense at Goku's cries-partially in mild irritation, but also in sympathy. Hakuryu felt the tension too, of course, and stirred.

"Now, now," Hakkai ventured. "What's wrong with buying him a beef bun?"

"A spoiled child develops bad habits, Hakkai." The priest's violet gaze flashed, but his words showed he still hovered in the less-lethal side of annoyance.

That was, at least, until Gojyo added his two cents. Before Hakkai could discreetly intervene, the kappa clapped a large hand to Sanzo's shoulder and crooned silkily, "Spoken like a good mommy."

Sanzo's eye twitched. "Do you have a death wish?"

Not good, not good. However, there was still time to remedy the situation. After all, Sanzo had merely posed the question rather than stating outright that murder was imminent. No matter. The fragile peace was gone. Hakkai's gaze floated about once more; he _saw _the smiles, but he no longer _felt _them. Instead he felt Hakuryu's talons digging into his shoulder. He felt bone-deep fatigue brought by the long and dusty road. He felt…

He didn't know what he felt. Unmoored somehow. Adrift. Dread dropped into his stomach like a weight of ice as he realized these sensations were all too familiar to him. Ones he had absolutely no desire to revisit. He'd felt this way a few years back, after the blind rage had seeped from him. After his blood had poured from him. After his days were robbed of the Sun. After it began to seem that he would survive even when he no longer had any earthly desire to do so. This feeling of being adrift came before that much darker period… before the abyss.

_Back from the edge. Don't allow yourself to get closer._

Moving through the crowd with his group again, Hakkai practiced some breathing techniques to work the tension from his body. _Body, breath, mind. Body, breath, mind. _It helped but not as much as it usually did, and he found himself looking forward to finding lodgings, taking a hot bath, having some sake, then retiring to his room for the evening. Perhaps a couple days of honest-to-goodness rest (he actively ignored whatever Sanzo was saying about not staying long) and some Qigong exercises that didn't involve slaying wave-maddened youkai-

He nearly bumped into Sanzo. The priest cast a perplexed frown before returning his attention to whatever had caused him to stop mid-step in the first place.

"...travelers, yes?"

Hakkai followed the others' gazes to find a man sitting primly behind a table draped with the symbol of the two dragons, Yin and Yang. Something protruded from the corner of his smiling mouth, and it took a moment for Hakkai to recognize them as Mahjong counters. Voluminous sleeves hid his hands completely. There was something reptilian about the youkai.

"Chin Yisou will tell the future of your journey."

A breath of laughter escaped Gojyo. "No thanks, pal."

Sanzo had already turned away and was proceeding along the street. "Telling fortunes with Mahjong tiles is a crock, thank you."

Hakkai didn't have the energy to apologize for his traveling companions' rudeness.

Chin Yisou's expression did not change. "How cruel! And here I see that your faces foretell death. How frightening." He tittered.

This brought the group up short. No fortune teller would ever try to sell such a gruesome fate. Who would pay for such dark words?

"You're living close to death, yes? I can tell. Especially... yes." A long-nailed finger targeted Hakkai. "You."

Hakkai was stricken; his heart gave a double-thump to try to catch up with the missed beat. He knew his expression showed his alarm, and he could do nothing to mask it. _He is just getting revenge for our dismissal of him. That's all it is. And I appear the easiest target. It is nothing more than that._ So why did his heart feel bound by iron? Why did cotton fill his mouth and choke down any reply? Why was pain flaring in his scar?

Chin Yisou continued, the snake-like smile never faltering. "That lovely false smile hides it so nicely. But your eyes, good sir, are those of a sinner."

Couldn't breathe... Hakkai couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Couldn't think. A bird paralyzed by a snake's smile.

The fortune teller's eyes widened ever so slightly, pinning Hakkai with their cold gaze. "And the scar on your belly. The symbol of your sins. You've committed crimes you can't atone for, yes?"

_Yes_, a voice inside Hakkai answered. _Yes. I've committed crimes for which there is no atonement. I've committed sins for which there is no forgiveness. These followed Gonou to the end of his days, and they will follow me to the end of mine._

Goku broke the spell by angrily slamming his hands down on the teller's table, which didn't seem to impress Chin Yisou. "SHUDDUP YOU GROSS OLD CRINKLY! IF YOU WANNA FIGHT, LET'S GO!"

The reptilian chill remained. "I'm just a fortune teller and not a very reliable one... yes?"

Goku couldn't seem to come up with a way to respond to that. Slippery as an eel. Slippery as a snake.

"See?" Chin continued. "The tiles tell your destiny." He held up a tile for them to see: _Devastation_. "Calamity follows thee. Indeed. And yet, it's up to you whether or not you believe."

Goku rippled with anger. "What's that supposed to-!"

That was as far as Goku got before an other-worldly cry rent the peace of the afternoon. Hakkai whirled to his right, paralysis broken at last, and the heart that seemed moments ago to have forgotten how to pump now pounded frantically within him. A massive form, insectile, broke through walls. Homes and stores fell to rubble in seconds with no mind to the people or memories residing within. The creature's body blocked the sun; its shadow fell over the _ikkou. _All around them citizens scattered like ants in an oil-doused mound. They shrieked in fear, and those lucky enough not to have been separated clutched their loved ones as they fled.

Gojyo gave a cry of dismay. "Don't tell me that's another of Gyamaoh's assassins!"

"I don't know about that," Sanzo replied. "The Sanskrit on its chest signifies a shikigami."

Gojyo blinked. "A shikigami _that _big?"

And just like that, the smiles had vanished. Sooner even than Hakkai had feared. Much sooner.

"_Calamity follows thee…"_

_Indeed it does. _Hakkai looked to the fortune teller's table, but Chin Yisou had disappeared. _Who on earth was that man? _These thoughts held Hakkai's fraying focus as did the giant creature bearing down upon them. Distracted during a battle. Not good.

Sanzo shielded his eyes with an upraised hand, his expression pensive and troubled. Instinctively the four closed ranks, backs turned to one another, so that a pair of eyes guarded each corner of the compass.

"Ack! This is terrible!" Goku exclaimed.

Behind him, Hakkai heard Gojyo growl a curse. "I don't know who you're working for"-a click as he separated the shakujou's blade from its staff-"but you've got a lot of nerve blowing our day!" Gojyo made his move while the others watched. The crescent blade, tethered only by the chain and by the kappa's immense skill with the weapon, sailed toward the shikigami and scored a direct hit. However, even as the blade returned to the staff, the others could see that no visible damage had been done.

"Ah shit," Gojyo said in dismay. "I didn't even scratch it! That ain't no ordinary shikigami!"

Sanzo added his two cents, but Hakkai's attention was drawn to the creature's leg-and to the rubble it knocked toward them. "Everyone, watch out!" he shouted.

They scattered. Goku fell backward with a cry, just managing to escape the path of a slab of stone larger than he was. "That was too close! I thought I was going to die!"

Seemingly unperturbed by the close call, Gojyo grinned wickedly. "Whatever it is," he began, referencing the creature, "it's big and hard and purple... but then, that wouldn't remind you of anything, would it, priesty?"

Sanzo gave him a flat stare. "How can you squeeze in vulgar jokes at a time like this?"

_Blades won't harm it, but maybe_... Hakkai turned toward the priest. "Sanzo, try the Maten Sutra!"

The priest gave a slight nod. "I suppose I have to. Goku, go distract it."

Goku positively beamed. "On it!" Off he went, shouting insults at the "alien crab" and leaving Hakkai to wonder if at times the little demon enjoyed battle just a little _too _much. As Hakkai watched, however, Goku came to an abrupt halt before he'd even reached the demon.

_What ...?_ Hakkai's good eye strained to find the matter, and upon closer inspection, he saw-incredibly-a cat winding its way affectionately around Goku's leg while the monster closed in. And not only the monster, Hakkai now saw. A strange youkai hurtled through the air above Goku. And Goku was still distracted by the cat.

Hakkai's heart clenched painfully in his chest. He was too far away to help. "GOKU! Look ou-!"

The strange youkai, no larger than Goku, went straight for the shikigami. One powerful strike, and the segment of abdomen containing the Sanskrit crashed to the ground. Goku, Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai blinked in astonishment.

"Uh… what the hell was that?" Gojyo asked.

The youkai approached the cat, picked it up, and cuddled it. "Mya. Kitty better be more careful next time." She giggled as the cat nuzzled her. "That tickles, meowsie!"

Gojyo seemed rather annoyed. "A little girl? She wrecked that crab like nothing."

The girl laughed again. "The Sanzo Gang! _There _you are!" She beamed. "My name's Lirin! I came to beat you up for Kougaiji onii-chan!"

"'Oni-chan'?" Hakkai repeated. "Oh boy."

"You're Kougaiji's little sister?" the rest of the group exclaimed at once.

Lirin winked playfully. "Time to die!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes: **_Until I find a way to avoid the battle scene, the manga in this chapter is a bit heavier than I would have liked. As far as I know, this is the only chapter with this issue. But at least it leads to some nice off-camera scenes :D _

_**Chapter 1:** The Sanzo ikkou come to a pleasant town and cross paths with a very unpleasant fortune-teller._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It was amazing how quickly a beautiful day could turn into a big pile of horse shit.

Gojyo didn't know about his traveling companions, but he could really have gone for a nice quiet night of drinking and gambling-something to take the edge off the tedious miles of _nothing _they'd covered lately. But no, not even five minutes after they'd entered the town's limits, the shit had begun to fly. First was, what, that odd fortune teller? What a creep. Gojyo had certainly come across his fair share of creeps, jerks, assholes, and a myriad of other uncategorized low-lives, but this Chin Yisou character had certainly ranked among the upper crust. Or would it be "lower crust"? No matter. What mattered was that he'd said something to upset Hakkai. Badly.

Goyjo did _not _like seeing his best friend upset.

In fact, in the years Gojyo had known Hakkai, he'd rarely seen the man react so visibly to any sort of verbal jape, especially one from a random street vendor. _Had he been random?_ The blood had drained from Hakkai's face so quickly that Gojyo'd slid closer to him in case he passed out. Then came the shikigami which apparently couldn't even be _scratched _by his shakujou. And now, this... this... Lirin!

"Time to die!" she declared in a squeaky little voice. "Without further ado... bring it on however you want!"

No one moved.

Gojyo felt a synapse misfiring somewhere in his brain. "She's _got _to be kidding."

"Well, I'm stumped," Hakkai added.

Lirin pressed her fists against her hips. "You makin' fun of me 'cause I'm little?" she demanded. "Fine. Lirin goes first."

A flicker of movement barely had time to register before Lirin's attack landed at Gojyo's feet. "Holy shit!" He _barely _leapt back in time, and he would swear he felt Lirin's knuckles scrape along the sole of his boot. The spot in which he had been standing was now a ruined hole in the street. The chick had a punch, that was for damn sure. "Goku, go get 'er! You're the closest in size!"

"Why me? Hakkai's better with kids!"

"But Gojyo's better with women."

Gojyo's mouth gaped in astonishment. "That is _not _a woman!"

They were distracted, and Lirin knew it. She rushed at them again. Goku cried out in alarm. "Wait a second!"

"Waiting's for suckers!" she replied, eyes alight. "And I wanna kick baddie ass!"

In the next moment she was dangling by her shirt collar from Sanzo's fist. Lirin struggled and kicked like a child throwing a tantrum.

_She _is_ a child throwing a tantrum. _

"Lemme go, droopy-eyes!" she yelled. "Baldy!"

Sanzo's eyelid twitched. "The child. Must. Die."

Gojyo could almost hear the pissy priest's teeth grinding. He was really starting to like this Lirin chick. "Yup, that's our Sanzo."

"He certainly is good with small animals!" Hakkai laughed. It was still one of his not-quite-true laughs, but it was a laugh all the same; and after the reaction the healer'd had to the fortune teller, Gojyo would happily accept a false laugh.

Goku's golden gaze flicked to Hakkai. "That a joke?"

Meanwhile, Sanzo had his hands more than full with the struggling little demon. She kicked and screamed and clawed at the air. The priest maintained his grip, _and _managed to produce one of the beef buns Goku had been wailing for earlier. When the hell had he grabbed one? Sanzo held it out where Lirin could see. "Want some?"

And just like that, the scrappy little hell-child became as docile as a bunny. "Yes please!"

"Ah, look how he handles her," Hakkai observed. "He's a pro!"

"That's enough."

The voice came from a nearby rooftop, putting an end to the comic relief the group had been experiencing thanks to Lirin's antics. A familiar form stood there, looking down at them.

"So we meet again, Sanzo ikkou," said Kougaiji. "I'm here for my sister. Hand her over."

Goku quivered with annoyance. "Look, you! Don't talk to use like we're kidnappers!" He pointed an accusatory finger at Lirin. "She came to _us! _She did!"

"Sister, huh?" Gojyo began. "You did a pretty shitty job of raising the brat."

Hakkai cupped his hands to help his voice carry. "She's like a female Goku. It's quite remarkable! …Though she doesn't seem to like us much."

"Hard to argue with that," added Gojyo.

Lirin waved happily, still held by Sanzo. "Hiya, onii-chan!"

"Don't 'hiya' me, moron!"

"You can have her back." Sanzo tossed her effortlessly in the direction of her brother. "Enjoy."

"Hey, Kougaiji!" Goku shouted. "You're not ditchin' us again, are you? I've been itchin' to pay you back for last time."

And the battle was on. Four on four. Goku against Kougaiji, Hakkai against that Yaone hottie—gods, they were even _bowing _to each other! How fucking adorable. Sanzo's gift of food apparently had not appeased the hell spawn, for she was now going after him. And Gojyo himself paired off with...

_Jien! _He felt the blood drain from his own face, much like Hakkai's had done only a few minutes earlier.

"Hey," Gojyo's brother said, a strained half-smile on his lips.

Gojyo gave a terribly unconvincing chuckle. He'd have to ask Hakkai some day how to make it sound more convincing. The cigarette dropped from numb lips to the dusty street and lay forgotten. "You've gotta be shitting me."

While the brothers held each other's gazes, dark memories flashed through Gojyo's mind. Him sitting small and scared on the floor. His older brother standing over him, covered in their mother's blood, tears streaming down his face. Jien had committed matricide... to protect Gojyo.

Gojyo had not seen Jien after that day. For all he knew, his brother had taken off into the night and offed himself to spare himself from the guilt. But no... he was alive. And he was... "You're here," Gojyo managed. His voice sounded a little more stable. "Why... Why're you _here?_"

"Oh, by the way. I'm a swordsman of Kougaiji's." A weapon materialized in Jien's hand. When had he learned how to do that? "The name's Dokugakuji."

Gojyo could think of nothing to say. He only watched in stunned silence as his brother rasped his sword along a length of chain.

"Man," 'Dokugakuji' said. "Life's pretty crazy, huh? But I chose this path and I can't give it up now. Sorry, bro."

The laugh that came from Gojyo this time _was _genuine, but it still had an undertone of sadness and regret. "I hear ya. I'm sticking by my choice, too."

As with almost every battle, time took on a different form. It no longer seemed linear. One moment did not lead to the next and the next; instead, moments co-existed for a breath of time. Time jumped ahead. Then another set of moments co-existed. Fighting with Kougaiji's group felt different from other battles. Gojyo couldn't put his finger on it. There was… respect? No… that wasn't quite right. He didn't _dis_respect the wave-maddened youkai they came across. No… it was something different. Whatever it was, he didn't want to cause harm to his opponent, and he thought the others felt the same about their own opponents. He—

A rumbling brought the fighting to a halt. In their midst, a second monstrous shikigami emerged. It seemed even bigger than the last.

Goku's eyes were wide. "That thing's-!"

The thing's deadly legs struck, sending Goku and Kougaiji flying. The leg came down to crush them.

"Goku!" Hakkai called.

"My lord, no!" This from Yaone.

"I got it!" Gojyo moved in, wielding his shakujou. He used his weapon to hold off the shikigami's leg, but his muscles quivered with the effort. From behind him he heard Goku say his name. "Move it, kid! I can't hold this thing for long!"

Like so many years before, his brother came to his aid. A slice with the sword and the resistance Gojyo'd been fighting suddenly was no longer there. The two groups turned as one toward the shikigami. Mutual effort would be needed to defeat the behemoth. The four-on-four battle became an eight-on-one war.

It worked.

Goku and Kougaiji delivered a dual attack that finally destroyed the insect's energy source, and it crumbled into a pile of rubble. Once that was over and done with, the two groups didn't seem to have the heart to fight each other. At least not for that day. Kougaiji and his group departed, casting glances over their shoulders as they left. Gojyo felt pretty damn sure that wasn't the last time they'd cross paths with them.

The familiar rasp of Gojyo's lighter preceded his words. "What a group to have as enemies."

"They're only pawns, if I had to guess," Sanzo said. "The chaos in the world is due to whatever idiot's planning the revival. That's who's behind Kougaiji. And that's who we have to get at." The priest sighed. "Anyway, it's time to skip town."

"Hell yeah," agreed Gojyo.

That was when Hakkai doubled over and vomited in the street. The others spun toward him, alarmed. They certainly weren't used to seeing their healer like this. _What the fuck? _Gojyo wondered. His friend looked so pale. The sheen of sweat that coated his brow was more than his usual perspiration after a battle, and when he wiped his mouth, Gojyo saw Hakkai's hands trembling.

"Hakkai?" Gojyo ventured.

And Hakkai laughed. Of course. A bit more weakly than usual... and more hollow. "I'm ... all right. It's nothing, really."

"Bullshit." Gojyo knelt beside Hakkai and rested a hand on his back. "You're not one to puke after a battle, so don't try to tell us it's 'nothing.'" Without turning, he said, "Maybe we'll put a hold on skipping town after all, right, Sanzo?" He added more than a hint of _don't argue with the sense of this_ to his tone.

The priest apparently had the same thought, because there was no hesitation in his reply. "Yes."

Hakkai made to stand, and Gojyo rose with him, offering some support. He didn't like this. Not at all.

"Hakkai," Sanzo began in his no-nonsense tone, "can you walk until we find an inn, or do we need Hakuryu to transform?"

The little dragon, hovering closer now that the fighting had died down, chirruped upon hearing his name.

"I can walk," replied Hakkai.

The ikkou, forming a tighter circle than usual, made their way through the rubble. The townsfolk had had a good scare, but they would recover. Humans were amazingly resilient that way. Even as they walked, a few curious heads peeked out of windows and doorways.

Gojyo walked shoulder-to-shoulder with Hakkai, ready to grab him if he gave any indication of staggering. Overhead a hawk cried, and when Gojyo peered up, he saw a figure watching them from a rooftop.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 1**: _The Sanzo ikkou come to a pleasant town and cross paths with a very unpleasant fortune-teller_. / **Chapter 2:** _The ikkou's battle with the shikigami and with the Kougaiji group._

**Chapter 3**

"What a group to have as enemies." Gojyo took a drag from his fresh cigarette.

"They're only pawns, if I had to guess," Sanzo said. "The chaos in the world is due to whatever idiot's planning the revival. That's who's behind Kougaiji. And that's who we have to get at." The priest sighed. "Anyway, it's time to skip town."

"Hell yeah," agreed Gojyo.

Disappointed, Hakkai allowed his dreams of a bed, a bath, and sake to dissipate. At least the day's battles had taken his mind off of darker thoughts. Hakuryu settled onto his shoulders again. He patted the dragon and was about to follow the others when his gaze happened upon a fragment of the shikigami; it contained the Yin and Yang. _A golem? This must be the shikigami's true form. _The fragment began crumbling to dust. _There's something inside._

When the pieces had fallen away, Hakkai was left with a rectangular item in his palm. His heart skipped a beat before resuming an almost painful pounding. The item in his hand was a Mahjong tile: _Sin._

The edges of Hakkai's world went gray. The throbbing in his belly's scar began again, a buzzing filled his ears, and his stomach lurched. Suddenly the heat of the afternoon seemed too much; his knees gave way, and he fell to the dusty ground, retching.

The others whirled in alarm. "Hakkai?" That was Gojyo's voice.

Hakkai wiped his mouth with a trembling hand and gave an embarrassed little chuckle. "I'm ... all right. It's nothing, really."

He didn't expect the others to believe those words, though. He didn't believe them himself.

Sure enough, Gojyo called him on it. "Bullshit." The kappa's shadow approached Hakkai's own. A gentle hand rested on Hakkai's back as Gojyo knelt beside him. When he spoke again, concern softened his voice. "You're not one to puke after a battle, so don't try to tell us it's 'nothing.' Maybe we'll put a hold on skipping town after all, right, Sanzo?"

"Yes." There was no room for argument in that tone.

That was, if Hakkai had even _wanted _to argue. He didn't. With Gojyo's help he rose unsteadily to his feet, feeling the gazes of the others on him.

Sanzo's cool violet eyes measured him. "Hakkai, can you walk until we find an inn, or do we need Hakuryu to transform?"

Hakuryu chirruped.

"I can walk."

Sanzo nodded once then turned and began heading down the street, Goku walking beside him and occasionally casting concerned glances over his shoulder at Hakkai. The streets were so much quieter than they had been only hours ago but for a hawk's plaintive cry. Hakkai focused only on putting one foot in front of the other and pretended not to notice when Goku glanced back at him; he didn't feel that he could manage a reassuring smile for the little youkai if he caught his gaze, so instead he kept his eyes on the road in front of him. Beside him, Gojyo shortened his usually long, fluid stride in order to keep pace with Hakkai, walking so close to him that their elbows touched.

A few streets over from the scene of the battle found the townsfolk venturing from hiding and murmuring with one another. Many of them stared at the ikkou as they passed—perhaps because they recognized them as participants in the battle that destroyed a sizable portion of their town, or maybe simply because they were walking with a clear purpose in mind while the rest of the people in the town could do little more than stand in groups or wander around aimlessly.

They found an inn near the far edge of the little city, where rumors were floating about but no one had actually _seen _what had caused all the fuss. That suited Hakkai just fine. The fewer questions they had to answer, the better.

Sanzo, wielding the Gold Card, acquired two rooms for the night. There was none of the typical discussion of who would room with whom; Gojyo had not left Hakkai's side, and apparently the assumption was that he'd remain with him. Sure enough, Gojyo followed Hakkai up the stairs.

"Heh, I'm feeling better, Gojyo. You needn't worry so." And that was true. He felt weary—battle-weary, road-weary, mission-weary—as surely the others did, but the weakness that had overcome him upon finding the Mahjong tile in the golem had passed nearly completely. Still, the spell did worry him somewhat. He fervently hoped that some rest would help him regain some of his strength and put his troubled thoughts to rest.

_Those eyes... _Chin Yisou's eyes. He'd seen them before. Where?

"I'll bring you up some food."

Hakkai blinked and realized they stood in their room. He'd finished climbing the stairs and walked the length of the hall in a total haze.

"'Kai?"

"Hmm?"

Hakkai turned to find Gojyo's red eyes inches from his own. He stepped back instinctively, but Gojyo's large hands reached up and held him in place by the shoulders. The kappa continued his scrutiny for a few moments longer before dropping his hands and stepping back. "At least you're not as pale as you were," he said.

"I'm sorry to have worried you," Hakkai said. He watched as Hakuryu landed on the bed nearest the window, curled his head under a wing, and settled in for sleep. "I believe it is simply fatigue. We've been traveling hard, and today was... taxing."

Gojyo snorted. "No shit." He sighed, looked at Hakuryu's sleeping form, then shook his head with amusement. "I think you should take a page from the flying rat's book. Get settled. Rest. I'll bring food up."

"Gojyo, I hardly think—"

His friend crossed the room in a stride and gently—but firmly—pushed Hakkai down onto the bed. Hakuryu cheeped in annoyance and pulled his wings more tightly over his head. Gojyo's hands remained on Hakkai's shoulders for a moment longer, maintaining the pressure. "You. Rest. Now."

The protest coiled in Hakkai's chest faded away and died as a sigh of resignation. "All right."

A smile creased Gojyo's face. The hands moved from Hakkai's shoulders to pat either cheek. "Good boy. I'll be back soon." With a whirl and a flurry of scarlet hair, he was out the door.

The room suddenly seemed too quiet despite the voices coming from the street outside and Hakuryu's faint snore. A faint breeze puffed through the window, which had presumably been opened by a maid to freshen the air. Hakkai drew a deep breath—he smelled the ghost of incense and, beneath that, stale cigarette smoke—then allowed it to leave his body. Some of his tension went with it.

That was a little better.

He rubbed his hands together, frowning. Salt from his perspiration and road dust clung to him, making him feel gritty. A bath sounded delightful... but he'd have to stick with the cooler water. With as light-headed as he'd been that day, soaking in a hot bath would _not _be a good idea. Either way, he was stuck here. He'd promised—in not so many words—to stay in the room and rest. Maybe later, then. In the meantime there was a wash basin and a pitcher of water on the stand near the door. Hakkai walked over to it and poured some water into the basin. A quick check with the tips of his fingers told him the water was room temperature. It'd been sitting for the day, but it was fresh and clean. The maids here seemed good about making sure the rooms were ready for the next occupant. Using one of the folded cloths near the basin, he washed the grit from his face and neck. That simple procedure made him feel a great deal better. Perhaps he would be able to tolerate a nice hot bath before bed after all.

The door opened to reveal Gojyo bearing a tray. "I managed to wrestle this away before The Endless Stomach got hold of it," he quipped, putting the tray on a bedside table.

"Ah, thank you." Hakkai finished by washing his hands. He didn't feel anywhere close to clean, but it was a start. When he turned, he felt surprised to see Gojyo sitting on the bed that Hakuryu had not claimed. He also noticed the number of plates and cups on the tray. "You're... not eating with the others?"

"Nah. Sanzo's got his nose stuck in a newspaper already, and Goku is ... well, Goku." He unfolded a napkin and grabbed one of the plates, then shoveled some of the noodles into his mouth. His expression didn't seem very impressed. When he noticed Hakkai's questioning gaze, he shrugged and said, "I've had better, but it ain't shit."

* * *

Gojyo leaned on the counter as he waited for the tray of food to be prepared. Initially the staff had been reluctant to allow so much food to be taken from the dining area, but mention of a "sick friend" and a flash of good ol' Gojyo charm took care of it.

"Aw man, I'm so hungry!" Goku—predictably—said from the table where he and Sanzo sat. "Hey, Sanzo, do you think Hakkai will be ok?"

Gojyo had been set to filter out as much of the endless I'm-hungry-when-do-we-eat-is-there-more-food-are-y ou-done-with-that chatter, but at the mention of Hakkai's name, his attention refocused.

"He needs rest." Sanzo turned to the next page of the newspaper, his reading glasses perched on his nose.

The arrival of Goku's food interrupted the topic of Hakkai. The waiter placed a plate in front of Sanzo as well, but it remained forgotten while he finished the article he currently read.

"Here you are, sir."

Gojyo's attention turned to the woman on the other side of the counter. She was a sweet thing. Innocent. The type Gojyo would flirt with but would never try to take to bed. "Thanks, darlin'," he replied with a grin and a wink. The young woman blushed prettily. Gojyo picked up the tray and turned to head back to his room.

"Gojyo."

Gojyo stopped and looked back to the priest, who was still intent on his paper. "Yes, O Holy One?"

"Keep an eye on him."

With a nod, Gojyo continued out of the dining room and made for the stairs. _I intend to._

He entered the room to find Hakkai standing near the door, washing his face at the basin. With Hakkai's monocle and headband off and his hair pushed back, Gojyo could more clearly see the dark shadows under the healer's eyes. _I want to protect you, 'Kai. I want you to feel safe with me. _He blinked. Where the fuck had _that _come from? Sure, Hakkai was his best friend and he'd do anything for him, and anyone who messed with him would sure as shit have Gojyo to deal with. But did that account for Gojyo's desire to hold Hakkai, to make him feel safe? Shit.

Before he could be caught staring, Gojyo strode past Hakkai to place the tray on the bedside table. "I managed to wrestle this away before The Endless Stomach got hold of it."

"Ah, thank you."

Gojyo sat on the bed not currently occupied by a snoring dragon and nearly groaned in relief. When was the last time he'd sat in comfort? Surely not during the hours and hours in the back of Jeepu. Nor during the nights sitting on tree roots or rocks or cold wet ground. God but a hot bath sounded good.

Hakkai finished up at the basin and seemed to notice Gojyo was still there. "You're... not eating with the others?" he asked uncertainly.

_I'm sure as shit not leaving you up here alone, _he wanted to reply. _Not with the state you're in. _"Nah. Sanzo's got his nose stuck in a newspaper already, and Goku is..." He groped for a word to describe the monkey. A phrase, maybe? A tome—perhaps he could be summed up in a tome. "...well, Goku." Without further ado he took one of the plates of noodles and began to eat. They'd been boiled perhaps a little too long... and it was maybe a wee bit on the bland side. He didn't have the heart to complain, though; the gal who'd brought it to him had been adorably sweet.

Hakkai was watching him, eyebrows raised.

Gojyo shrugged. "I've had better, but it ain't shit." That got a genuine smile out of Hakkai. Good.

The healer sat on the bed opposite Gojyo, draped a napkin primly over his knees, and looked at the tray as if it were laden with bitter medicine. The hesitation passed before Gojyo could say anything, and Hakkai took up his own plate and began to slowly eat. "I don't think I'll be able to eat much," he admitted after a few bites. "If I force it, I'm afraid I'll... just lose it again."

"Still feeling sick?"

Hakkai shook his head. "Not so much. I just... don't want to rush it."

Gojyo nodded. He trusted Hakkai to know what was best for him... or at least what he _thought _was best for him. Or... wait. Wasn't there a saying about doctors making the worst patients? True, Hakkai wasn't a doctor, but he was the closest thing to a doctor the ikkou had. Oh well. It certainly wouldn't be the first time Gojyo had the role of nursemaid when it came to Hakkai. "I could see if they have something a bit lighter," he suggested. "A little fruit, maybe?"

Hakkai managed a smile and shook his head. "This is fine, thank you. I'm... sorry for holding us up in this town..."

Gojyo sniffed. "Are you kidding? If we'd gone too many more days without hot baths, hot waitresses, and hot food, I might have gone psychotic." He winced inwardly at his choice of word—_not _a good term to use in front of someone who'd had his wits go on vacation without him-but Hakkai didn't seem to notice. "I think we all needed a break," he finished.

Hakkai managed to put away about a third of his food before Gojyo looked up to find the healer half asleep. The plate on Hakkai's knees was tottering dangerously, but Gojyo managed to grab it before it crashed to the floor. After quickly placing both plates back on the tray, Gojyo went to Hakkai, shielding him with his body to prevent him from falling to the floor while at the same time trying to shoo Hakuryu out of the center of the bed. The dragon complied, but not before giving Gojyo's hand a painful nip in the process; Gojyo gave himself a mental pat on the back for not shouting a stream of obscenities that would surely have awakened Hakkai.

With an arm supporting Hakkai's neck and shoulders and the other arm under his knees, Gojyo shifted the healer onto the bed. He had to be _really _fucking exhausted. Hakkai falling asleep in his noodles? Definitely not something Gojyo ever expected to see. And he'd been sure that Hakkai would come wide awake the moment he touched him.

Gojyo knelt on the floor next to the bed and stared at Hakkai's face. He looked so young when he slept. So vulnerable. He'd gotten used to the planes of Hakkai's face long ago, when he didn't think the new youkai would _ever _wake up. Gojyo had spent long sleepless nights sitting in a chair, watching over the stranger in his bed. Though "stranger" probably no longer applied after you'd shoved someone's guts back inside of them, did it?

Without realizing he was doing it, Gojyo reached up and brushed a lock of Hakkai's messy brown hair from his brow. _What the hell am I doing? _His gaze traveled across the ridge of his brow, down the line of his nose, lingered on Hakkai's soft lips. They looked really. Fucking. Kissable. The kind of lips you could mash and crush and nibble and pull and-

_What. The. Fuck._

Was he seriously getting hard thinking about _Hakkai? _He tore his gaze away from those lips, and he found himself looking now at the tender white flesh of Hakkai's throat. Gojyo could see the pulse fluttering there, slow and steady. He imagined kissing the place where Hakkai's blood pulsed. What would it be like to lift Hakkai against the wall, to stand between his legs and have his mouth buried in the flesh of Hakkai's throat, sucking and licking...

Shit! What kind of friend was he? Fantasizing about his best friend while Hakkai lay passed out and getting himself hard as a rock in the process. _I gotta get out of here. _After draping a blanket over his friend, Gojyo left the room and pulled the door closed behind him. He needed some air, and Hakkai wasn't going anywhere for at least a little while.

_Hakkai..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 1**: _The Sanzo ikkou come to a pleasant town and cross paths with a very unpleasant fortune-teller_. / **Chapter 2**: _The ikkou's battle with the shikigami and with the Kougaiji group_. / **Chapter 3: **_Hakkai's condition leaves the group little choice but to stay in town for a little while to recoup._

**Chapter 4**

The fresh air wasn't helping as much as Gojyo'd hoped it would. He was a sexual being—nothing new about that. The ikkou's progress so far could have been mapped by the flings he'd had with woman—and the occasional man—along the way. The sex of the person didn't matter. What mattered was that they were the right personality, someone up for a bit of fun but who wouldn't be heartbroken when Gojyo skipped town, as inevitably he would. He'd long ago mastered the skills required to read people, to know who he could flirt with, and who he could do _more _than flirt with.

The sweetheart who'd prepared the tray of food, for example. She was cute, shy, a little pudgy... but if Gojyo had seduced her, he would have ended up causing her pain when he left. He didn't want to do that to anyone.

But... what if he didn't have to leave the person? What if... what if the person, too, was traveling the same route? What if the person had a face that you would see day in, day out, whose voice made up the music of daily life.

_Holy shit, I'm a romantic, _Gojyo mused.

He _did _love Hakkai. No denying that. He'd loved him since their friendship began to form, while they sat up late nights as Hakkai's grievous wounds—both physical _and _emotional—began to heal. Gojyo had opened up to the gentle man with the kind smile and the sad eyes, telling him things about his own life that he had intended never to tell anyone.

However, did he _love _Hakkai in a more intimate way? The more Gojyo thought on it, the surer he felt that the answer was...

"Yes." He whispered this aloud.

Would Hakkai reciprocate the feelings, though? Gojyo didn't know. The possibility of rejection frightened him, and that surprised him—at least until he realized that for years now, he had, whether intentionally or no, put himself in situation after situation that would ensure he would not be rejected by anyone but strangers. If a potential hump buddy waved off, Gojyo would shrug, smile, then go after a new target, all while walking away in a manner to give the person one last chance to see what they were missing out on.

To be rejected by Hakkai would be a different matter. Gojyo saw the potential for some real pain there. And knowing Hakkai, he'd be consumed by guilt if he caused Gojyo any pain... and Gojyo didn't want _that _to happen either.

"Shit." Gojyo found a shade tree behind the inn, sat beneath it, and lit up a cigarette. A soft breeze rustled the leaves overhead.

What to do.

Did Hakkai even harbor any sexual attraction to males? He certainly had his history with non-traditional bed partners in the form of his twin _sister _for fuck's sake... but in his defense, they'd fallen in love with each other before knowing they were siblings. In their late-night talks, Hakkai had never mentioned any other name but Kanan's.

"Shit shit shit shit shit."

Well, there was only one thing to do. He'd put a few feelers out... drop a couple of hints... and see how Hakkai reacted. After he recovered, of course.

Gojyo stubbed out his cigarette and made the decision to head down the gravel path to the bathhouse. With all these thoughts about his best friend, perhaps he should take a _cold _bath. In the end, though, after getting a robe and towel from the attendant (his change of clothes was up in his room, but it wouldn't be the first time he'd strode out of a bathhouse in his the robe) and performing his pre-bath sudsing, he couldn't resist the enticing steam of the hot bath.

Thankfully he seemed to be the only person there. He strode to the far side of the bath, dropping his robe and towel in the process, and climbed into the water. He moaned in pleasure. After getting settled, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

For a time, his thoughts continued swirling around Hakkai... but from there they flitted to Chin Yisou... then to the other paths they crossed that day... and—

_Jien..._

That had been one helluva shock. The last time he'd seen his brother, Jien had been covered in blood and in tears. The pain on his face was something Gojyo could never forget. With their mother's body lying on the floor between them, Jien looked down at the cowering brother he'd just saved. He seemed a giant then . So tall and powerful... yet they were the tears of a child that glistened on his face. And his expression seemed to say to Gojyo, "It's your fault. No, she shouldn't have hurt you, and it was my choice to save you... but I killed her because of _you._"

That must not have been too far off the mark. Jien had walked out of Gojyo's life that night.

Gojyo thought he heard a small noise. He opened his eyes and saw Jien standing in the doorway, looking down on him like he had done so many years before. He screamed.

* * *

_The field of grass and flowers stretched over the rolling hills, rippling in the wind like a green ocean speckled with every color imaginable. Gonou felt the sun warming his back even as his Sun walked just ahead of him, smiling over her shoulder at him. Smiling for _him. _After a life of pain and abandonment, Gonou had finally found the presence who could balance all of that heartache, who could make it all worth it. He would have gone through it all again—and more—as long as he knew that she was at the end of the trail, waiting for him. She was the reward he'd never dared to hope for. Was this life? Could life truly be so good? He felt as though his skin were the only thing keeping him together._

_Kanan fell into step beside him and interlaced her fingers with his. Smiling, she lifted their conjoined hands to her face and kissed their knuckles. "I've always loved your hands, Gonou," she said. "They're so beautiful."_

_Gonou gave a soft, embarrassed chuckle. "Ah..."_

"_They're so beautiful, Gonou."_

_Gonou frowned. Something was changing. Something didn't feel right. Though the sun still shone overhead, it seemed as if a shadow had fallen upon the world. "We should get home," he said. _

"_They're so... beautiful. They're... they're... there is a monster inside of me."_

_The sun-kissed meadow was gone, replaced by a dank dungeon that smelled of blood and mold and rot. Gonou's beautiful hands clenched the bars of the cell. "No... please..."_

_The knife plunged._

"_NO!"_

His entire body jerked. For a few moments—moments that visited him every time he awoke—he wondered why he wasn't in his own bed. Again, as always, he remembered just in time to stop himself from reaching over for Kanan's hand. A hand he would never hold again. Dreams were nothing new to him, but this one had been so vivid. He'd even felt the warmth of the sun and the caress of the breeze! He'd felt her fingers tighten on his. He'd felt her lips...

_I need to stop. _The emptiness inside of him yawned wider than it had in quite some time. There had been a time when the abyss had been the entirety of his existence; thanks go Gojyo and Sanzo, some parts of him had been re-built... but the treacherous sinkhole remained. It would always remain. But now, the abyss felt closer to swallowing him than it had in ages. All thanks to that strange encounter in the marketplace. Hakkai's thoughts darted uncontrollably—a sparrow tossed by the storm inside his head.

_Stop_, he begged again. But with nothing save a strange room to occupy him, the pain of his lost Sun rose like the tide to drown him.

On reflex he sat up in bed and looked around. Hakuryu slept next to the pillow, dead to the world. Other than the dragon, Hakkai was alone. He had only vague memories of coming to this inn at all. He remembered Gojyo bringing him food... and that was it. He must have crashed hard, though it didn't feel like he'd slept long. In fact, he felt just as exhausted—if not more so—now than before he'd fallen asleep. The weak sunlight coming through the window was certainly that of early evening, not morning; the room held too much lingering afternoon heat for it to have been any other time of day. So he hadn't slept long, then. _Perhaps I'll get better sleep tonight._

That was when he recalled his desire for a bath. Certainly that would help ease some tension from his body—and even if it didn't, the simple task would at least occupy his mind. For a while. He hoped. So, before dark thoughts overwhelmed him again, he grabbed his pack and headed downstairs to find the bathhouse.

After getting some directions from a maid he passed in the upstairs corridor, Hakkai was pleased to learn that the nearest bathhouse was a small one owned by the inn itself that catered primarily to guests but also to a few of the people who lived nearby. He exited the inn via the rear entrance and followed the curving path outlined by sizable stones and unlit torches; his feet crunched softly in the small, smooth pebbles that made up the walkway.

Distant laughter brought a smile to Hakkai's face, and he reminded himself that while tragedy had struck the lives of those who today had lost homes, businesses, their sense of security or—gods forbid—a loved one, life did go on.

_Whether you want it to or not._

He shook that thought from his head as he entered the bathhouse.

He folded his evening clothes in a storage slot and carefully placed his monocle atop them. The bag that contained the clothes that would need to be laundered rested on the floor out of the way. Hakkai could smell the steam and incense wafting from the bathing area and couldn't wait to ease his weary body into the relaxing heat. For the next few minutes he undressed and performed his pre-bath cleansing. It really felt good to get the rest of the travel-grit off of his body. Surprisingly the bathhouse seemed to be deserted but for Hakkai. Perhaps the day's events had drawn many of the town's residents toward the site of the battle and had the rest reluctant to leave the relative safety of their homes.

With robe and towel, he found the room with the hot bath, having made the decision that he would see if his over-taxed body would tolerate it—and, if not, he'd simply go to the cool bath.

Without his monocle, his prosthetic eye really didn't do much more than provide some of the depth-of-field vision he would have lost having only one eye. It took him a moment to adjust to the dim light of the bath room. Someone was already there. Hakkai was pleased to see that it was Gojyo. The red-haired half-youkai was sitting arm-pit deep, eyes closed, in the steaming water, leaning back against the bath's wall. His long arms bent leisurely so that his elbows rested on the floor behind him. Unsurprisingly, his robe and towel had been dropped in a careless heap; in fact, the robe's belt hung in the water. Hakkai couldn't repress a soft snort of amusement.

One scarlet eye opened, then both eyes snapped wide open. "GAH!" Water flew. In Gojyo's startled flail, he'd knocked his robe completely into the water. "Hakkai!" he exclaimed, breathing hard. "You scared the _shit _out of me!"

"Ah, I'm sorry, Gojyo."

Gojyo blew out a hard breath. "It's all right. You can't help that you're a sneaky bastard. If I start goin' gray, though, I'm blaming you."

Hakkai moved to Gojyo's side of the bath, knelt, and plucked the robe from the water. "Oh dear."

"You didn't sleep very long," Gojyo noted with some concern.

Hakkai wrung out as much water as he could from Gojyo's robe then hung it on the back of a nearby chair. "I don't even recall falling asleep."

"Heh, yup. You almost fell off the bed in the process."

Hakkai considered this then resumed removing his own robe. He lay it on the seat of the chair along with the towel—water had gotten all over the floor when he'd startled Gojyo—and then climbed down into the bath. The flush from the heat rose into his cheeks almost at once, but so far he didn't seem to be having any trouble tolerating the heat.

"Hey, Hakkai..."

"Yes, Gojyo?" When Gojyo didn't resume speaking, Hakkai looked to him in concern. The kappa's scarlet gaze was uncharacteristically averted, staring at the surface of the water. He seemed to be trying to form the words to say something. Hakkai knew better than to prod. Gojyo would say what he needed or wanted to say when it was best for him, and Hakkai would be there to hear it.

"Uh..." When he turned his attention back to Hakkai, the familiar devil-may-care smile was back. "I don't wanna hafta drag your naked, passed-out ass back to the inn, so don't overdo it with the hot bath, 'k?"

_That's not what he was going to say_, Hakkai thought, but he managed a smile in return. "Of course."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes:** _I don't know anything about massage techniques, so read that scene with a grain of salt. The bits I put in there are points I found while rubbing my own tense shoulders/neck during my drive home for work. I don't know what I did, but it felt amazing. Now I need a Gojyo to do it for me ;)_

_This story is coming along more quickly for me than any has in a long time. For that reason, it's fairly rough-cut. Apologies for any awkward pacing, continuity issues, etc. I would greatly appreciate such things being pointed out to me so that I might fix them later. Thanks for reading!_

_**Chapter 1**: The Sanzo ikkou come to a pleasant town and cross paths with a very unpleasant fortune-teller. / **Chapter 2**: The ikkou's battle with the shikigami and with the Kougaiji group. / **Chapter 3: **Hakkai's condition leaves the group little choice but to stay in town for a little while to recoup. / **Chapter 4: **Gojyo soaks in the bath to try to escape the tumultuous emotions brought about by his encounter with his half-brother and by his reexamination of his feelings for Hakkai. Hakkai has a similar idea._

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Jien became Hakkai, but not before Gojyo had yelled his surprise while nearly drowning himself. "Hakkai!" His heart felt like it was trying to pound its way out of his throat. "You scared the _shit _out of me!"

Hakkai looked both contrite and amused at the same time—a Hakkai expression if ever there was one. "Ah, I'm sorry, Gojyo."

One advantage of the bath was that Gojyo would never know if he'd actually pissed himself. "It's all right. You can't help it that you're a sneaky bastard." Had Hakkai been _staring _at him? "If I start goin' gray, though, I'm blaming you."

The heartbeat that had been slowing down increased its pace again as Hakkai approached Gojyo's side of the bath. The lanky healer knelt on the tile floor and pulled Gojyo's robe from the bath where it had fallen. "Oh dear," he breathed.

_Shit, what's he doing up already? _"You didn't sleep very long."

Long-fingered hands twisted the robe, squeezing some of the water back into pool before carrying it to drape over one of the nearby wooden chairs. "I don't even recall falling asleep," Hakkai replied.

Gojyo laughed a little at the memory of Hakkai nearly making a pillow out of his noodles. "Yup. You almost fell off the bed in the process." He really wished Hakkai had slept longer. The guy needed it. Badly.

Hakkai didn't respond to this, but instead joined Gojyo in the bath while Gojyo made a point to find a very interesting pattern in the tiles on the opposite wall to stare at. He chanced a sidelong glance once Hakkai had settled into the water. Already the man's cheeks were flushed from the heat. Would they flush like that when Gojyo fucked him? Would he close his eyes like that when Gojyo's tongue traced its way down his body, lower and lower...? Would he seem that relaxed when Gojyo held him in his arms and whispered breathy promises to him that he would protect him?

Shit. Why was he torturing himself like this? Hakkai was his best friend. They had opened their hearts to each other. This was no different, right? So he should just _tell _him. Or at least drop a hint to see how he reacted. "Hey, Hakkai..."

Goddammit. He sounded and_ felt_ like a teenager asking a girl out for the first time. It wasn't the time. Not the time.

In his peripheral vision he saw Hakkai turn toward him. "Yes, Gojyo?"

_I love you. I want you. I think I need you. And I think you need me, too. Will you let me, Hakkai? Will you let me take her place? Will you let me try to bring you out of her shadow?_

He realized he'd been staring at the reflection of the ceiling on the surface of the water. "Uh..." Inspiration struck, and he felt able to face Hakkai with a smile. "I don't wanna hafta drag your naked, passed-out ass back to the inn, so don't overdo it with the hot bath, 'k?"

Hakkai smiled, but his eyes seemed to read too deeply. "Of course," he answered.

An awkward silence fell. Awkward for Gojyo at least; Hakkai seemed content to be sitting in the steam, eyes closed, damp hair sticking to his heat-flushed brow. Those circles under his eyes... they were so un-Hakkai. Gojyo needed to comfort Hakkai, and he needed to do it now.

Bracing his hands back on the floor, Gojyo lifted himself out of the water and reached for his towel.

"Are you leaving?" Hakkai asked, half-turning.

Did Gojyo detect a note of disappointment? "Nope." He wrapped the towel around his torso, then approached the spot where Hakkai's back rested against the edge. "Watch yourself."

"What?" But Hakkai leaned forward, turning as far as he could and watching Gojyo questioningly.

Gojyo lowered himself until he sat at the edge of the bath, his legs hanging down into the water. He adjusted the towel to be sure he wouldn't flash Hakkai an unflattering view, then spread his legs. "C'mere," he said, patting the bath's wall at the empty space between his knees.

Hakkai stared at him. "Uh... Gojyo? What are you—"

"Just come _here_," Gojyo repeated. "I won't bite." Slowly, Hakkai repositioned his back toward the wall and nestled between Gojyo's legs. "You're always trying to show me relaxation techniques, right? Well, here's a chance to use 'em. And you can tell me if I'm fuckin' them up or not."

"Oh... all right." The suspicious cast left Hakkai's posture and he relaxed another notch against Gojyo's legs.

Gojyo's hands, which had been resting on his knees, slid around and made gentle contact with Hakkai's upper arms. "I admit this isn't the best positioning for this," Gojyo began, trying and failing miserably to keep his mind from jumping straight to filthy thoughts, "but I'll see what I can do."

As he spoke, his hands smoothed up Hakkai's slender arms and crested the shoulders. There, he rubbed with light pressure at the surface of Hakkai's skin—going for soothing contact rather than deep-tissue manipulation. His hands drew in toward the base of Hakkai's neck, then back out to the edge of the shoulders. In and out. In... and out.

He felt Hakkai take a breath, and when he exhaled, a little more tension went out with it. _There we go. Just like that. _

Time to try a little more. Gojyo extended his thumbs and began pressing the pads into the tissue below the crest of his shoulders, reaching a little ways down Hakkai's back, while the rest of his hand maintained contact with the tops of his shoulders. A few small circles with the thumbs, pressing a bit more deeply. When Hakkai gave a low moan of pleasure, Gojyo's cock began tenting the towel. _Dammit, not now, _he mentally scolded it. At least Hakkai faced away from him. Yes, he was aroused... but a big part of him relished simply _touching _Hakkai and knowing that he was bringing the healer some degree of pleasure. Just the simple, innocent contact. Of course that didn't mean Gojyo wouldn't love to bang Hakkai senseless as soon as possible. He squirmed as his balls tightened.

Hakkai's shoulders tensed up again as he felt the movement. "Everything ok?"

_Fuck. _

"Yup. Just shifting. Sorry. Relax." Gojyo used pressure on Hakkai's shoulders to settle the healer back against the wall.

He resumed rubbing circles with his thumbs until Hakkai's shoulders relaxed again. Next, he slowly worked his hands inward toward the sides of the neck, kneading with thumbs and fingers now. Hakkai's head lolled forward as another moan of pleasure escaped him. The tight muscles in his neck and shoulders were definitely beginning to soften up under Gojyo's hands... and the fact that _he _was having that effect on Hakkai thrilled him. He wondered what other parts of Hakkai he could make come undone.

"You're doing ... very well, Gojyo," Hakkai said.

His words came out slightly strained, and Gojyo could tell the strain was from the effort of putting together a cohesive sentence when what the body _really _wanted to do was moan and slobber with pleasure. There'd been quite a few times when that tone of voice had come from Gojyo's own mouth, but this was certainly the first he'd heard it come from Hakkai.

"I had a good teacher," Gojyo replied.

Hakkai breathed a laugh, then continued melting under the ministrations of Gojyo's hands.

After he had gently kneaded the base of Hakkai's neck, Gojyo switched to his fingertips, drawing more circles slowly up the length of Hakkai's neck to the base of his skull. He worked for a couple minutes, going over the area between the base of the skull and the edges of Hakkai's shoulders, delivering the same smoothing caresses and circular thumb-pad massages. Each time Gojyo slid from one portion to the next, Hakkai hummed his appreciation.

But then Hakkai's muscles tightened up again. "Uh... Gojyo?"

"What is it?" Gojyo asked, alarmed.

"I... think this was a mistake."

Gojyo racked his brain, trying to recall if he'd done or said something without thinking about it, something that would cause Hakkai to realize that Gojyo's innocent massage wasn't quite so innocent. "I... did I do something wrong?"

Hakkai's reply came quick, reassuring. "No! Not that. I think... the hot bath was a mistake..." He sounded embarrassed.

Gojyo was confused for a moment before he remembered Hakkai's weakened condition. Then he took in the flush of Hakkai's skin; it appeared to have gone a brighter red than was healthy. "Oh..." he said at last, and then, "oh _fuck!_ Hold on, Hakkai!"

In a flash—and it almost _was _a flash when Gojyo stepped on the corner of his towel—he scrambled to his knees, then gripping Hakkai under the arms, pulled him up out of the water. The healer seemed dazed and was panting.

"Ok, we gotta get you cooled down a bit, buddy." In a fluid motion, he rose, bringing Hakkai up with him. Hakkai began a weak protest—probably something Hakkai-y, like, _'Gojyo, you really shouldn't carry me about when I haven't a stitch of clothing on,'_—but Gojyo interrupted. "No worries. The cool bath is just across the hall."

With that, he carried Hakkai into the other room. The bath itself was a good deal smaller. It lacked the intoxicating steam of the hot bath, of course, but Hakkai was already intoxicated enough on steam; time to sober him up. Gojyo approached the water but stopped when Hakkai put a hand to his chest.

"S... slowly," Hakkai panted.

Gojyo feigned injury. "Did ya think I was stupid enough to just throw you in? Don't worry. We'll go nice and slow and gentle. Just like breaking in a virgin." He laughed at Hakkai's shocked expression, then made his way to the steps. He descended the first two before lowering to a sitting position. Thankfully the water wasn't _cold_, but it was still a shock to the balls that had been enjoying the hot bath only moments ago.

He lowered Hakkai's feet and lower legs into the water then, at Hakkai's nod, shifted him so that he could sit on the step beside Gojyo. The poor guy was so obviously uncomfortable with the prolonged exposure that Gojyo stood up, whipped the towel from around his waist, and draped it over Hakkai's lap. "If one of us is gonna be naked," he explained, "I think we both know which of us is most comfortable in that state."

Hakkai laughed at last, a bit shakily. With a cupped hand he scooped the cool water over his overheated skin. "It was foolish of me to take a hot bath," he said, sounding sheepish. "I knew I was going beyond my threshold, but..." He laughed again. "...but your massage felt so good, I didn't want to get out of the water."

Gojyo could only gape at him for a moment, then he burst into laughter. "Wow. Our Hakkai turned his back on a sensible decision for the sake of carnal pleasure!" He threw his head back and roared with mirth. "Now I've seen everything!"

"I... it... it..." Hakkai's false-start protests got him nowhere, and even he had to chuckle at the situation. "I suppose it is a bit out of character of me, isn't it?"

Gojyo wiped his eyes. "I wouldn't've been more surprised if Goku passed up a free meal or Sanzo_ smiled_. Feelin' better?"

Hakkai nodded. "Yes. I probably should get back to the inn and take it easy the rest of the night." He looked forlornly at the towel, which had become all but completely drenched from Hakkai's sitting in the water. "Now your towel _and _your robe are soaked..."

He looked so distraught that Gojyo couldn't resist reaching over and gripping Hakkai's chin between his thumb and forefinger. "Hey," he said, turning Hakkai's face toward him. God, he wanted to kiss those lips so badly. He smiled. "I'm a water sprite, remember? A wet robe won't do me any harm."

Hakkai smiled in return.

Gojyo held his chin a few moments longer before abruptly letting go and rising. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 1_**_**:** The Sanzo ikkou come to a pleasant town and cross paths with a very unpleasant fortune-teller. / _**_Chapter 2_**_**:** The ikkou's battle with the shikigami and with the Kougaiji group. / _**_Chapter 3: _**_Hakkai's condition leaves the group little choice but to stay in town for a little while to recoup. / _**_Chapter 4: _**_Gojyo soaks in the bath to try to escape the tumultuous emotions brought about by his encounter with his half-brother and by his reexamination of his feelings for Hakkai. Hakkai has a similar idea. / _**_Chapter 5: _**_Hakkai gets a massage, then swoons... right into Gojyo's arms._

**Chapter 6**

Of _course_ Hakkai had brought along a change of clothes. He was _Hakkai. _Though Gojyo had to admit that probably most people would bring along a change of clothes to a bathhouse. Most people allowed themselves to be bound by social boundaries and constraints of etiquette. Not Gojyo. Well, except for _now. _For the most part. He flicked a sidelong glance from where he leaned against the changing room's wall. Hakkai's back was turned to him, so Gojyo allowed his gaze to linger a bit more fully on the swell his tight little ass. Dammit. He'd finally got Hakkai naked and in his arms, but Gojyo had been too worried about him to enjoy the experience.

"Does the robe fit all right?"

"Hmm?" Snapped from his recollections, Gojyo averted his eyes just before Hakkai turned toward him. He looked down at the garment. Since the robe Gojyo'd been using now took the form of a sopping mess, Hakkai had offered his to at least see him back to the hotel room. "Yeah, these loaners usually come in three general sizes: mosquito, ox, and house. Yours and mine are both 'ox.' It fits like a tent, but it'll do."

Hakkai laughed. "You know, you really should bring your clothes with you. How many times have attendants prevented you from leaving with their robes?"

"Only once."

Hakkai arched an eyebrow. Gojyo grinned at the memory. Before he'd started on this journey with them, a bathhouse attendant had held her hand out for the robe Gojyo'd been walking out in. He had grinned and begun untying the sash. That was usually the point when the flustered attendants would blush and flap their hands while stammering for him to just give his word that he'd return the robe. He always did. But in this one particular case, the woman didn't bat an eye when he'd finished untying the robe and draped the garment over her outstretched arm. He'd started to walk away but the woman used the robe's sash to catch him about the waist and pull him back into the privacy of her little office. Opting not to go into details, Gojyo pushed himself away from the wall and headed toward the door, hooking Hakkai with an arm about his waist along the way.

"Gojyo! What-?"

"What, you don't accept a little support from a friend?" he asked without breaking stride.

"Gojyo, I feel fine now."

"Uh-huh. But I'd rather not risk you passin' out in the dirt. Because that'd dirty your clothes. And you'd insist on doing laundry, then." He stopped and turned Hakkai to face him. The healer seemed equally surprised to have suddenly stopped as he had been when caught in Gojyo's tow; he blinked up at Gojyo, monocle slightly askew. He looked so damned adorable that Gojyo couldn't help but to plant a little kiss on the tip of his nose. "You're not going to be doing _anything _but resting, young man."

Shocked into silence, Hakkai recovered enough to reach up to straighten his monocle, but by then Gojyo had begun walking again, pulling Hakkai along with him. He didn't drape his long arm over Hakkai's shoulders as he sometimes did; this time his arm was cinched about Hakkai's waist, supporting him. Perhaps he was babying Hakkai a little, but dammit if _he _didn't do it, who would? Obviously Hakkai would continue pushing himself for the sake of the others. He'd been about to leave town with nary a word, and if his body hadn't betrayed him at that moment... Gojyo shuddered to think of them being hours' worth of travel into the abandoned lands, no shelter, with Hakkai barely hanging on.

"Hey," Gojyo said softly as they entered the hotel. "Promise me you'll take it easy. At least for a little while. 'K?" When Hakkai didn't answer, Gojyo paused at the base of the stairs to look at him.

Hakkai nodded.

Gojyo gave Hakkai's waist a little squeeze—then froze. That little bit of pressure had brought a slight wince to Hakkai's face. "Hakkai?"

But Hakkai merely nodded toward the stairs. "Help me."

* * *

The suddenness and ease with which Gojyo had ensnared Hakkai about the waist and pulled him into step alongside him left Hakkai momentarily breathless. Hakkai touched members of his ikkou often enough-tending wounds, administering massages, giving an encouraging pat on the shoulder-but feeling the _strength_ in one of his companions while said companion bodily moved him was less familiar to him. "Gojyo! What-?" He couldn't continue. It was all he could do to keep his feet while caught in the water sprite's wake.

Gojyo's pace didn't falter, and if anything, the arm about Hakkai's waist cinched even tighter. "What, you don't accept a little support from a friend?"

A wet strand of Gojyo's red hair whispered across Hakkai's cheek. Hakkai brushed it aside gently. It felt so odd having Gojyo's arm around his waist and not draped heavily across his shoulders. When it came to Gojyo, Hakkai could only compare him to a cat-long and languid, graceful yet prone to lounge, able to purr while dispatching prey. Hakkai felt like a mouse; he didn't feel in danger from Gojyo, oh no... but he did feel... _ensnared. _And the feeling, much to his surprise, wasn't a bad one. "Gojyo, I feel fine now."

"Uh-huh. But I'd rather not risk you passin' out in the dirt. Because that'd dirty your clothes. And you'd insist on doing laundry, then."

Hakkai tried to formulate a response, with _No, I wouldn't _being a first choice but a lie nonetheless. Gojyo knew him far too- He gasped in surprise when the kappa stopped suddenly. Almost as soon as Hakkai registered this, Gojyo's strong hands turned him about by the shoulders so that the two faced each other. For the second time that day, Gojyo's face hovered mere inches from his own. Hakkai could smell the soap from the bath, the underbreath of cigarette smoke, the scent that was Gojyo. So different from Kanan's scent... but similar, too, in the fact that they were both scents dear to him.

Gojyo, who appeared terribly amused by something, leaned toward him, and for a heart-stopping moment Hakkai thought he was going to kiss him. Well, he _did_, but not in the manner Hakkai had imagined. Instead, the kappa kissed the tip of Hakkai's nose. "You're not going to be doing anything but resting, young man."

Aware that his mouth hung partially agape but unable to do anything about it, Hakkai reached up and straightened his monocle-but nearly knocked it off his own face when Gojyo began walking once more, pulling Hakkai alongside. The kappa all but lifted Hakkai off his feet when they ascended the few steps to the inn's entrance, a move which brought a flare of pain from the scar. Hakkai felt his face pale and was glad for the first time to have Gojyo's arm around him, steadying him.

After the relative brightness of the late afternoon, the inn's interior seemed dark as a cave. From the area of the kitchen emanated the sounds of pots and pans being shifted and the scent of food being prepared. Hakkai's vision proved slow to adjust, and Gojyo's supportive arm now acted as a lead. He felt ... safe. Felt the certainty that he could go where Gojyo led him, and that Gojyo would be his signal if anything were amiss. Gradually his vision adjusted to the darkness.

"Hey."

Gojyo's voice from just above and to the left fell on him like warm gossamer as they walked.

"Promise me you'll take it easy. At least for a little while. 'K?"

There it was again. That gentle, concerned tone that tried to sound aloof, but Hakkai knew better. He'd first recognized it for what it was when he'd gradually begun regaining consciousness for longer periods of time after... after that day. And lately that concern had returned.

_How is it that someone cares for me? I don't deserve it. _The thought of Gojyo's friendship and concern didn't quite bring tears to his eyes, but he felt them waiting very close, wanting only a little more reflection on the matter to allow them to well up and spill down his cheeks.

Apparently Gojyo had been waiting for an answer, because he came up short at the bottom of the stairs. The pair stood there, seemingly the only beings in existence when Gojyo looked down at Hakkai, his exotic scarlet eyes tender with worry. The gaze took Hakkai's breath. Finally, unable to find his voice, he nodded.

Gojyo didn't smile, but his face relaxed a little, and the arm about Hakkai's waist tightened in a one-armed embrace. The flare of pain returned. This time Gojyo saw the reaction it brought; the kappa froze, likely afraid that any movement would cause more pain. "Hakkai?" His voice shook ever so slightly.

_I'm causing more trouble... more worry... I darken the life of everyone around me. _No. No no no. _Yes. _

"Help me," Hakkai managed at last, and though he had nodded toward the stairs, he wondered if his plea meant something else entirely.

Without hesitation, Gojyo gripped Hakkai's left arm and draped it across his own shoulder, taking some of the pressure off the arm about Hakkai's waist. At the top of the stairs Hakkai gently took his arm back and, since the corridor proved too narrow to comfortably walk side-by-side, he coaxed Gojyo into allowing him to fall back; however, the kappa remained stern about keeping a hand closed about Hakkai's wrist. So Hakkai allowed himself to be led like a child to their room. He felt surprised to realize he already missed the warmth of Gojyo's body pressed close to his; the world seemed so cold in contrast, as if a cloud had stolen across a warm afternoon's sun. An ember of that warmth remained, however, where Gojyo's hand encircled Hakkai's wrist. Hakkai followed it, wanting to be near it, not wishing to lose that warmth.

When Gojyo opened the door to their room, he tensed and stopped dead in his tracks.

* * *

The scent of cigarette smoke should have tipped him off, but the fact that Sanzo's presence surprised him showed how distracted Gojyo was by Hakkai's condition. "Sanzo..." The priest was sitting on Hakkai's bed, facing the door, a cigarette in his mouth. Gojyo felt more than a little mild irritation at the priest letting himself into their room whenever he damn well felt like it. If anyone tried that with _his _room, they'd get at the very least the rough side of Sanzo's tongue or a slap with the fan. Gojyo felt Hakkai shift behind him. "I hope that's not one of _my _cigarettes."

Sanzo's eyes narrowed at Gojyo's appearance. Hell, like _he _had the right to bitch about someone wearing robes.

"I need to speak with Hakkai," Sanzo stated. "_Alone._"

Gojyo tensed with indignation. Of all the pissy—couldn't it wait until morning? Hakkai had had enough for one day. He opened his mouth to say as much, but a light touch on his shoulder stopped the words. The pressure increased slightly, and Gojyo stepped forward into the room far enough to allow Hakkai to slip into the room as well. The poor guy looked so fucking pale. It took everything in Gojyo to allow Hakkai to pull his arm from his grasp.

"Sanzo," Hakkai began, "we should go to another location and give Gojyo a chance to dr—"

Gojyo'd been taking in the almost translucent quality of Hakkai's flesh, the delicate features of his profile, and so was caught unawares when a ball of fabric hit him in the face. He caught it to his chest before it fell to the floor. Gojyo's clothes.

"Goku is two doors down on the left," the priest said through a cloud of smoke. "You can change in there."

Gojyo felt his muscles coiling for a fight again. Not only was the droopy-eyed priest making himself at home in their room, he was kicking Gojyo out? So he could, what, drill Hakkai for information? Gojyo felt an overwhelming urge to protect Hakkai, even from Sanzo. But Hakkai's light touch came again, at his elbow this time. The pressure remained until Gojyo finally broke his gaze with Sanzo and turned to look at Hakkai. His breath caught when he met the full weight of those intellectual green eyes, eyes that seemed centuries beyond the twenty-odd years of existence they'd actually had.

"Thank you, Gojyo," Hakkai was saying. "I'll see you soon."

Gojyo would have argued with Hakkai, too, but for the faint nod the healer gave him. A nod that said, _It's ok. I won't let him keep me long. Just this one thing, and I promise to rest. _

Or at least Gojyo sure as shit _hoped _that was what that nod said. Goddammit. He didn't trust himself to speak, so he nodded and turned from the room before his self-control left him and he threw Sanzo out on his ass. He strode down the hall, angry and frustrated. Behind him, the door to his room clicked shut.

Out in the hall, the aroma of dinner being prepared in the kitchen below filled the air. Gojyo clenched his jaw painfully. That damn priest had best not keep Hakkai long with whatever bitch-fest he had planned. Gojyo meant to make sure Hakkai had a good meal and then a good sleep, and if he had to break down the door to his and Hakkai's room and throw Sanzo out, then so be it.

Gojyo sighed, and a little of the anger left him. He gave a little snort of amusement as he headed down the hall toward the door Sanzo had indicated. A few years back, anger would not have left him quite so easily. Yeah, he could most definitely get worked up when he needed to, but he'd also gotten much better at setting anger aside for a time when it would better serve its purpose. Part of that came with growing up, he supposed, but was that all? There were plenty of hot-heads in the world, and many of those were adults. Hell, a good number of those were _older _adults, but people's tempers did tend to mellow as they got older. _In the span of a couple of years, though? _he mused. He didn't think so. The only thing that had changed in his life during that time period was the addition of Hakkai.

_Hakkai..._

He'd been such a constant presence in Gojyo's life for the past several years. First as a creature to be pitied as he lay dying, then as a friend whom Gojyo could look up to.

And now... as a man to love?

It was funny how Hakkai's existence seemed to demand every ounce of Gojyo's attention now, like a tooth that had abscessed-and suddenly something that was just taken for granted up until that moment now fired along every nerve ending. Hakkai was a constant presence that was so much a part of _him _that he barely registered it. And now, seemingly overnight, he was as a beacon of light, a siren song that pulled Gojyo into the depths of green eyes.

_No, _Gojyo corrected himself, _not overnight. Over years. I just didn't notice it until now. _The straw that broke the camel's back. The smile that captured the kappa's heart.

Predictably, Goku's voice assaulted his ears the moment he opened the door. "Sanzo, I smell foo- ... HEY! What are _you _doin' in here? You're in the wrong room, you pervy kappa! You're not even _dressed! _You _are _pervy! Hey! Don't take that robe off! Ew!"

Gojyo ignored him while he changed into his clothes. He barely even registered Goku's tirade.

"Why did you storm in here just to change your clothes? Don't you have your own room? Where's Sanzo? You didn't switch rooms, did you?"

The chatter continued ceaselessly. Did the monkey even need to pause for air? Gojyo sat down on what he assumed to be Sanzo's bed, spied an open pack of cigarettes on the table, then grabbed it. He popped out a stick and lit it. "Sanzo needed to discuss something with Hakkai."

"Oh." Goku sat quietly for a moment and stroked Hakuryu, who Gojyo now noticed was curled up beside the monkey. When Goku spoke again, he sounded uncharacteristically somber. "Hey Gojyo, is... is Hakkai all right?"

A pang of sympathy shot through Gojyo's chest. Thankfully he was mid-drag and so had a few moments to answer. He watched peripherally as the cigarette's cherry flared and then faded, and when he blew out the smoke it came more on a puff of a sigh than anything else. "He's been worse," he said at last.

Goku's golden eyes flashed in his direction. "_That's _not reassuring! He's been almost _dead!_"

Gojyo couldn't help but chuckle. There had been a time when it was amusingly easy to deceive, manipulate, or intentionally redirect Goku. Those days hadn't entirely passed, but more and more often Goku showed this other side of himself, the side that wasn't a pain-in-the-ass. "True," Gojyo admitted. He lay back against the headboard and crossed his arms behind his head. "He's..."

_Struggling. Breaking up inside. Unable to let go of a woman long in her grave. Consumed by guilt. Unwilling to accept the fact that he doesn't deserve to suffer for the rest of his life._

"...Hell, I dunno, Goku. He's not doing well."

Goku looked on the verge of tears as he sat cross-legged on his bed.

"But he'll pull through," Gojyo amended quickly. He sat up, planted his feet on the floor, and leaned forward until Goku returned his gaze. "He _has _been worse, Goku. If he could survive _that,_ then he'll come through this. He just needs ... time."

At length Goku nodded. Hakuryu nuzzled against the boy's hand and yawned.

Gojyo rose. "C'mon. Let's see if dinner is ready."


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 1_**_: The Sanzo ikkou come to a pleasant town and cross paths with a very unpleasant fortune-teller. / _**_Chapter 2_**_: The ikkou's battle with the shikigami and with the Kougaiji group. / _**_Chapter 3: _**_Hakkai's condition leaves the group little choice but to stay in town for a little while to recoup. / __**Chapter 4**: __Gojyo soaks in the bath to try to escape the tumultuous emotions brought about by his encounter with his half-brother and by his reexamination of his feelings for Hakkai. Hakkai has a similar idea. / _**_Chapter 5: _**_Hakkai gets a massage, then swoons... right into Gojyo's arms. / _**_Chapter 6: _**_Gojyo is increasingly protective of Hakkai and finds difficult to leave his side._

**Chapter 7**

Hakkai pushed the door closed after Gojyo disappeared through it; his fingers lingered a moment to trace the wood grain, elegant to the eyes yet rough to the skin, before he turned to face Sanzo. The vulnerability he felt at Gojyo's absence surprised him.

"What do you know about Chin Yisou?"

No matter how long Hakkai had known Sanzo, the priest's directness still managed to catch him off-guard at times. The initial surprise passed almost immediately, and Hakkai walked over to Gojyo's bed to sit opposite Sanzo. A worry flared in his mind, and he looked around suddenly. "Where's Hakuryu?"

"He's with Goku. Don't change the subject."

"Ah." Hakkai blew out a long breath and ran fingers through his still-damp hair. "Honestly, Sanzo, I know nothing of him." One pale eyebrow raised. The violet gaze hardened through the shroud of smoke. Hakkai continued before Sanzo accused him of holding back. "There's... obviously a history of some sort. Whether it involves Chin Yisou directly or indirectly... I honestly don't know." Then in a voice almost too soft to hear, he added, "A lot from that night is ... hazy."

Sanzo's gaze held him hard for a few moments longer before finally breaking away to glare at a spot on the wall. "Dammit. We don't _need _this, Hakkai."

"I know that, Sanzo." A touch of anger added strength to Hakkai's reply. Of _course _they didn't need this. Hakkai of all people knew that. Actions had consequences. He knew and accepted that fact. Over the years, he had learned to live with the results of his actions, as his actions had been the result of others' actions. An endless cycle. Give and take. Yin and Yang. That was life. And death.

What he _couldn't _accept, however, was this feeling as though he were a hooked fish—swimming along a river, bearing the pain of the hook yet ready to move on from it, and just when the belief that all might turn out all right, there was the sharp pain and pull at the hook that hadn't gone after all but had only been trailing the line, waiting for the perfect moment to snag the present with the barbs of the past. And this Chin Yisou held the pole.

Feeling as if the net were closing around him, Hakkai rose abruptly and crossed the room to open the window wider in an attempt to disperse Sanzo's cigarette smoke. The priest continued staring straight ahead as though Hakkai still sat across from him, yet Hakkai knew Sanzo observed all.

"What worries me," Sanzo said at length, "is that Chin Yisou was in this town _waiting _for us. It was no stroke of fortune that crossed our paths with his."

Hakkai barely repressed a shiver. "...He's been following us—_me. _He's been following me."

Sanzo drew on the cigarette, and the tobacco and paper made the faintest rustling sound as the cherry climbed farther along the stick. The smoke broke and billowed, the stream interrupted by Sanzo's words. "I would think so, but I don't know for how long. The point is, we can leave this town tomorrow—"

"—but he'll follow." Hakkai finished the thought, and Sanzo's blond head nodded, turning ever so slightly to view Hakkai in his peripheral. Hakkai returned to sit on Gojyo's bed. "What do we do?" he asked at last.

Sanzo's violet, penetrating gaze held him for several moments—not angry, but hard and determined. "We'll leave tomorrow. Continue the mission. When he comes on us in the wild, at least there won't be so many damned people in the way."

_There won't be so many people hurt because of me_, Hakkai's mind amended. He said only, "Yes, Sanzo."

With a curt nod, the priest rose. "Rest tonight. You'll need to be strong enough to travel tomorrow."

Eyes cast downward, Hakkai nodded, saying again, "Yes, Sanzo."

Sanzo stood for the span of several heartbeats, then left the room, leaving the door open in his wake.

* * *

For the second time that day, Gojyo found himself carrying a tray of food to his and Hakkai's room. This time he would make sure Hakkai ate enough, got enough rest, and sure as shit didn't take a hot bath afterward. For someone who was so skilled at taking care of others, Hakkai had an incredible history of doing damage to himself.

Gojyo released tension he didn't know he had been holding when he saw that the door to his room was open and Sanzo had apparently departed. Good. So the little meeting _hadn't _taken too long. He stepped into the room, pausing at the thrill he felt at seeing Hakkai lying on _his _bed. The healer's eyes were open. Gojyo pushed the door closed with a foot. "Yo."

"Hello, Gojyo." Hakkai's gaze registered the tray, and he smiled tiredly. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Gojyo replied with a wry smile. "I'm not going to let you use it as a pillow this time. Sit up." He placed the tray on the bedside table and moved to help Hakkai rise to a sitting position before seating himself next to Hakkai.

"Ah, this _is _your bed, isn't it?" Hakkai noted, making to rise.

Gojyo stayed him with a hand to his shoulder. "Sit." He'd barely caught Hakkai in time when he'd previously fallen asleep in his food. He wanted there to be less distance to cover should he need to do so again. Besides, he craved the proximity. He leaned against Hakkai in a familiar playful manner, reaching across him to take up one of the plates to push into Hakkai's hands.

Hakkai didn't move away, he noticed. In fact, the healer seemed to lean against him in return. Was it Gojyo's imagination? He didn't think so, yet he couldn't bring himself to believe.

When Hakkai rested a hand on Gojyo's knee, his breath caught.

"Thank you," Hakkai began, "for... for looking out for me." Bitterness filled his chuckle despite its breathiness. "You get stuck doing that a lot, it would seem. I'm sorr—"

Gojyo covered Hakkai's hand with his own, cutting off his words. "Don't apologize, 'Kai. Heh, your guts falling out of you gave me the best friend I ever had." He winced inwardly at how that sounded, but dammit, it was the truth.

Hakkai's laugh this time sounded more genuine. "Ah, all right. I guess I never thought of it that way before. I..." His green eyes grew wide.

Gojyo had taken hold of Hakkai's hand and now raised it in front of them, gently rubbing small circles in the tender soft skin on the back of the other man's hand with the pad of his thumb. He watched Hakkai's face closely, studying any hint of reaction that might slip past the healer's normally fortress-like defenses. His own heart pounded in his ears. When was the last time he'd been so nervous putting the moves on anyone? Gods, probably not since his first time with someone. And normally he wouldn't consider kissing someone's hand "putting the moves" on them. Usually a good ass-grab filled that bill, but somehow he doubted Hakkai would be ready for that just yet.

He raised the back of Hakkai's hand the last few inches to his own lips and planted a soft kiss there. To make up for the chasteness of the kiss, he allowed his lips to linger there while his pulse thrummed in his neck. Gojyo continued holding Hakkai's gaze, watched as a pink flush rose in Hakkai's high cheekbones and then across the bridge of his nose. The healer's lips were slightly parted. Gods, how Gojyo wanted to clasp the back of Hakkai's neck and pull him into a smothering kiss. Those parted lips were just begging to be explored by tongue.

Gojyo broke off the kiss, gave Hakkai's hand a little squeeze, then released it. Now wasn't the time to explore this... this possibility. He'd done what he had wanted to—made a small gesture and gauged Hakkai's reaction. The healer had blushed: that could have been mere embarrassment. He had breathed shallowly and rapidly through parted lips: that could have been discomfort in an awkward situation. The simple truth was that Gojyo had begun the process of putting himself out there, gingerly testing his weight on an ancient wooden bridge; even if the first plank held... and the second... that didn't mean that—

A slight intake of breath—not quite a gasp, but in the right territory—punctuated another increase in his heart rate. Gojyo looked down at the hand that Hakkai had placed again on his knee.

* * *

Gojyo laid a hand on Hakkai's shoulder, gentle but firm. "Sit."

The one-word commands the half-youkai had been giving Hakkai amused him to some degree. Usually Gojyo was the type to let others make their own choices as long as they were informed and were prepared to accept the consequences. Except, it would seem, when it came to Hakkai himself. The very first time they had laid eyes on each other—Gojyo looking down in alarm, Hakkai's glazed eyes rolling up and buffeted by raindrops—Hakkai, well, _Gonou_, had been in the midst of accepting the consequences of his decision. But Gojyo had stopped him, had taken that decision away from him.

To this day, Hakkai wasn't sure if he loved him or hated him for it.

The decision to remain seated was, at least, a minor one. Hakkai re-settled his weight without protest. The warmth of Gojyo grew in intensity as the kappa leaned into then reached across Hakkai—another demonstration of how comfortable Gojyo was with physical contact. Hakkai had seen people like that all his life. Some shied away from any contact whatsoever, such as Sanzo; others, like himself, didn't seek it but didn't shun it, either. Others still took it too far, clinging to others like a shipwreck victim clinging to flotsam—Goku could sometimes be that way when he was feeling particularly vulnerable, but Hakkai couldn't fault him for that. And then there were the ones like Gojyo, comfortable with touching and being touched. It didn't always mean sexual contact, either.

Hakkai had first experienced that with _her. _Yes, the sexual contact had come, but more importantly for both of them was the fact that they now had someone to share life with, someone to share a part of the world, someone to be as close as physically possible. Hakkai figured that probably fell into the "clingy" category, but it had been mutual. They had clung to _each other_ when for so much of their lives they had been alone, adrift in a turbulent sea.

The plate Gojyo pushed into his hands brought him from his reverie, short-lived yet eternal all at once. Funny how memories worked that way. Funny how memories could revive physical pain. The longing in his heart for his flotsam, his Sun, made it difficult to breathe.

"Longing" seemed an apt word for the emotion. It wasn't until Hakkai had come back to himself, inching away from death, that he felt his very soul reaching out, farther and farther, reaching for what was no longer there. Heartache felt like the soul pulling from the body, growing dangerously long and thin in its quest to reach that which was, now and forever, unreachable...

Sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Gojyo, Hakkai had rarely felt more alone. Unthinking, he laid his hand upon his companion's knee. He needed to feel a friend's physical presence as much as possible right now. The emptying pull of longing sharpened to an ache of gratitude. "Thank you. For... for looking out for me." An empty sound escaped him. "You get stuck doing that a lot, it would seem." _I bring pain and hardship wherever I go. _"I'm sorr—"

"Don't apologize, 'Kai." Gojyo's large hand all but entirely covered Hakkai's own where it rested upon the kappa's knee. Gojyo chuckled mirthlessly. "Your guts falling out of you gave me the best friend I ever had."

Hakkai laughed, because if he didn't laugh he would break down and weep at those words. "Ah, all right. I guess I never thought of it that way before. I..."

Gojyo's warm fingers had snaked around Hakkai's hand, holding it. He gently pulled Hakkai's hand up off of his knee while smoothing his thumb across the back of Hakkai's hand in a circular motion. Gojyo's eyes caught his and held them, not once flitting away, not even as he raised Hakkai's hand to his lips and kissed it.

Coherent thought fled Hakkai under Gojyo's intense scarlet gaze. A patch of heat grew in his hand, coursed to his core, blossomed in his face like fever. His breaths became shallow puffs that scarcely moved air. He could feel Gojyo's own breath against the back of his hand. One cycle... two... a third, and finally Gojyo lowered Hakkai's hand again and released it.

The warmth drained from Hakkai's hand like a dream upon waking. Soon it would be forgotten entirely. In an act of desperation, he lay his hand again upon Gojyo's knee to reassure himself that there were others here in this world. Sanzo had been in the room only minutes ago; he could still smell the cigarettes and the scent of the man himself. But the priest had been there and gone again. Fleeting. Gojyo, however, was _here. _Here now.

Gojyo was studying him, and a strange expression lay behind his eyes that Hakkai couldn't quite identify. Finally the kappa broke the silence. "Eat, 'Kai."

Hakkai blinked. The spell was broken. He laughed breathily.

He did manage to eat well, and he felt more grounded for it. His body had something to work with other than his own exhaustion and dark memories. That didn't prevent the need for sleep from dropping over him like a shroud. Being careful not to disturb the tray that held his and Gojyo's now-empty bowls, he rose weakly. He took a staggered step toward his bed, but something stopped him. Surprised, he turned and realized that Gojyo had a hold of his hand. Such sympathy and softness filled the kappa's expression.

"You don't have to be alone tonight, 'Kai."

Hakkai stared at him, unsure of what to say. What exactly did Gojyo mean by that?

A scratching at the door caused both to turn their attention in that direction. "_Chee!_"

With an apologetic smile, Hakkai pulled from Gojyo's grip and opened the door for Hakuryu. The little dragon flew in, circled the room, then landed near the tray to begin licking the plates. Hakkai closed the door again. He turned. Gojyo had already pulled back the covers of his bed and lay down though nightfall was still well away. He held a corner of the blankets back in invitation.

"Come here," he said.

Hakkai's heart skipped a beat. "Uh... Gojyo?"

"I'll behave, I promise." The kappa's familiar flirty demeanor returned, and then it faded again under a wave of seriousness. "Come on. You've not been sleepin'."

"...I don't think I've ever seen you go to bed before midnight," Hakkai observed, amused. He looked at the waiting space beside Gojyo. "And I'm not sure..."

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "What is it you're always tellin' us? If something doesn't work, try somethin' else. Your sleeping arrangements haven't been working. So we're tryin' something else."

"Ah... all right. Um." He sat on the edge of Gojyo's bed, waited a moment before awkwardly pulling his feet up under the covers. He'd never felt so nervous sharing a bed with someone before. In fact, he— "Ah!"

Gojyo's long arm snaked around him and pulled him the rest of the way into bed, and in moments Hakkai found himself lying on his side, his back against Gojyo's front. The kappa's arm lay draped heavily over him and his legs intertwined with Hakkai's own.

Hakkai tensed. "Gojyo..."

"Shh. It's ok. Just relax."

Hakkai forced himself to relax and, to his surprise, he found that the head-to-toe contact with Gojyo's intense body heat soothed him rather than made him feel self-conscious. He was pretty sure he felt an erection against his backside, but it was Gojyo, and physical reactions like that were only to be expected. His eyelids began to grow heavy. He drew a deep breath and when he released it, his body relaxed more deeply into the rest it so desperately needed.

Before drifting off, he heard Gojyo whisper softly, "That's it. Sleep. I'll keep you safe."


End file.
